I just cried. I don’t know how long for but I was like a small child. I haven’t cried like that for a long long time. All the emotions from the race just came out. I wasn’t in pain at all. It was just emotions. I had just crashed out of the Giro d’Italia while riding myself into the top ten. It was a huge sucker punch.
The gravel, the crowds and the snow make the Colle delle Finestre a unique experience. To be there with Wout Poels and Pozzovivo, some of the best climbers in the world, was just incredible. I know I’d been there with them the whole Grand Tour already but there was just something about being there with them on this pass that was amazing.
Then, on the descent in Sestriere, I was following someone and he went wide and I just lost it and fell. I tried to get back on the bike but I knew straight away something was broken. My first thought was, “you fool, you screwed that up”. I had been there the whole race and to crash out just before the penultimate day was heartbreaking.
I started feeling the pain in the ambulance on the bumpy roads but the biggest disappointment for me was not making it to Rome. Two days before, my girlfriend changed her flights to meet me there. It was meant to be this amazing moment and I felt guilty even though everyone told me how proud they were.
I can deal with the whole experience because I’m proud of what I achieved. It was obscene to me to be up there every single day. I knew I was on good form coming into the race but I was not expecting that. I want to do that again. I’m hungry to train and race and get stuck in.
Cycling is nothing but ups and downs and I had another experience last year that’s helped me grow. I was in the Tour of Austria and had a shocker on Kitzbüheler Horn. The first three days had gone really well. I felt like I was a feather. There was no pressure from the team, it came from me. I was stressing balls about this stage. I wanted it so badly but had one of the worst experiences on that climb. I was distraught. The guys on the team bus afterwards tried to pick me up but I was having none of it. I was downcast.
We went for dinner that night and I sat down with my teammate, Igor. We ended up being the last guys at the table after dinner. I love him because he’s such a cheery guy and we have similar mentalities when it comes to our love for travel. We talked about experiencing the world and the things we’ve seen. He got me round to looking on the bright side. Here is a guy who has done it all in the sport and he saw me, a young guy who needed help. I got happier and happier as the chat went on.
Ben O’Connor Wins Stage 3 Tour of the Alps (Photo: Stiehl)
The next day I woke up happy and feeling great – physically and mentally. No stress. Nothing to lose. Usually, as a pro cyclist, you get asked how you feel before a stage and the answer is, “maybe, we’ll see how it goes. Not really sure bla bla bla.” One of the riders’ partners was visiting the team and I said I feel great today. I’m happy. I’m ready. Most people in professional cycling are surprised when you say that.
To back it up with the stage win that day was just the most amazing moment in the context of the last 24 hours and the contrast of those two days.
Cycling is taking me places I’d never thought I’d see and giving me incredible experiences. I can’t wait for more. This is only the beginning.
Header photo: @Gregmfell
