Written by 01:08 Pro Cycling Story

A letter to my younger self

Emma Johansson

Dear younger Emma,

I’d like to tell you a few things. Things you might not believe when you’re a young cross-country skier using mountain biking as complimentary training. By the time you retire from a road racing career that lasted more than 10 years, the goals you’ve achieved will be the stuff of your dreams.

You will experience some incredible emotions and have moments that will shape you into who you’re about to become.

In 2012 you’ll have a very close friend. Her husband who was a former MTB junior World Champion gets hit by a car. He’ll die, instantly. This happens while she’s 8 months pregnant. It’s devastating.

You’ll go and race Emakumeen Bira months later in the area he is from. You’ve been good in this race before but never great.

However, this time it’s different. This time it feels like he is there with you in the race. You’ll be flying. You feel amazing, like he is carrying you. You’ll win two of the four stages and the overall. The first stage you win is after you’ve dropped Marianne Vos – the best rider in the world – for the first time ever. It feels like you’re riding with someone else’s legs. You will want to talk to him but you can’t because he is gone. This victory will remain the one with the most emotions around it, especially as his little baby has been born and is at the race.

Emakumeen Saria Durango
Photo: Velofocus

Would you believe me if I told you you’ll win not one but two silver medals from the Olympic Games? People will ask you if you’re disappointed that you didn’t get a gold medal, but here’s what they don’t know.

Winning two silver medals, 8 years apart is not a common achievement. The two medals are the same colour but they mean different things. Beijing and Rio are such different experiences.

You’ve decided 2012 will be like last year for you as a professional. You’ve got one silver medal from Beijing and London will be the last objective then you’re done. But, that will all change when you get hit by a car in Gran Canaria at the start of the year. You’re in a training camp, putting the final touches to the start of the season and break both your collarbones. This is not ideal, but you’ll feel lucky because the crash could have been so much worse.

The way back is harder than you thought. You’re always one step behind. You can’t afford to be one step behind in an Olympic year because everyone is on another level.

Because you don’t medal in London, you’ll decide to go all in for another four years towards Rio. After the finish line in Rio, that will be it, no regrets.

You will make changes in the buildup to Rio, moving to a bigger team where you can split the responsibilities that you’ve more or less carried alone when on a smaller team.

You also start working with a mental coach and realise you’re not racing everyone else, you’re racing yourself. The world’s best me – that will become your mantra. You have no choice but to become the best you you can be. This will even become the title of a talk that you give once you retire.

Rio does not suit you, but you are a calmer happier athlete. You are the best you. Winning a medal there is not a forgone conclusion but you will train harder than ever before. You’ll give everything that’s inside of you. A lot of people are disappointed that you didn’t win but you are so happy because you know what this medal means. No regrets. You left it all out there as you promised.

The hardest part once you’re retired is figuring out what the next step is. Unlike most of the other women professionals, you didn’t study, you decided to embrace the school of life. Choosing different teams throughout your career and learning the local languages. You’ll learn Spanish, English, Norwegian, Flemish and Dutch.

All this is preparing you for the next chapter, whatever that may be.

You’re an Olympian medalist in transformation.  

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Tags: , , Last modified: Jan 19, 2020
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